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Rob Hughes wonders why so many football-related dramas fail to strike the right tone, especially in their action scenes
Lord knows they’ve tried. Ricky Tomlinson as England manager. Sean Bean tanking around in a Sheffield United strip. Sylvester Stallone between the sticks. Even Adam Faith as pint-sized proprietor of – oh yes – Leicester Forest (from a script by Jackie Collins, no less). All of them as inept, unconvincing and downright embarrassing as each other. So just why is it that films about football never work? Certainly not through lack of an audience. It’s a sport, lest we forget, adored by millions the world over, one with its own in-built dramatic arc. A ready-made fantasy in which slumdogs really can become superstars. Never mind Mike Bassett or Jimmy Grimble. Where’s our Raging Bull, our This Sporting Life? Even a Seabiscuit would do.
Dear WSC
As a supporter of a smaller club myself, I sympathise with Luton’s current plight, but Eva Tenner’s letter in WSC 253 has brought out the devil’s advocate in me. To her list of those not responsible for Luton’s woes, she should also have added Liverpool FC’s board. Liverpool gave Luton quite a bit of help anyway by playing badly enough in the first tie to allow Luton a replay at Anfield. If you add the attendances at the 32 third-round ties and 12 replays together, only three pairings had a greater audience than Luton v Liverpool, so Luton arguably did as well as they could financially out of this season’s FA Cup. If Luton had been drawn away to my team, Tranmere, for example (average attendance around 7,000), would there have been a similar call for Luton to have all the gate money? I think not. Or what if Luton had faced another smaller team and lost in 90 minutes? Would a replay have been ordered to try to boost the Hatters’ coffers that way? No. I genuinely hope Luton find their way out of their current difficulties, but the fact is that meeting one of the Big Four should be seen as a helpful stroke of luck for them, rather than a reason for their fans to moan about Liverpool’s supposed meanness.
Tristan Browning, Reading
The Autobiography of Ian Holloway
Green Umbrella, £16.99
Reviewed by Matt Nation
From WSC 250 December 2007
Although Ian Holloway himself admits to being “not a particularly nice kid”, it doesn’t appear to have stopped his eye for a wrong ’un extending into adult life. After Ollie is dropped as a low-paid teenager at Bristol Rovers, Mike Channon attempts to console him by first by offering him £1,000 and then snatching it away at the last second. Three lines later, however, Channon is described as a “fantastic bloke”. Both Bobby Gould’s and Dave Bassett’s man-management skills are (once again) shown to be about as sensitive as a nipple wrench in the bogs, yet Ollie “likes” and “respects” his former gaffers. Only with Wally Downes does Ollie eschew praise with faint damnation in favour of a full-on, and fully deserved, kicking after the former Wimbledon man cracked wise about the new boy’s wife’s chemotherapy.
Arsenal are attempting to control their fans' nickname, as Jon Spurling reports
With the media gleefully fanning the flames of boardroom discontent (described as a “civil war” in the Daily Telegraph), the last thing Arsenal need is a protracted conflict with sections of their own support. Yet with the announcement that the club has applied to trademark the word “Gooner”, a damaging legal struggle could ensue. The battle over the club’s financial direction could rumble on for a long time – Arsène Wenger and chairman Peter Hill-Wood’s desire for self-sufficiency within five years is in marked contrast to the David Dein-chaired Red and White Holdings’ urge for a rapid injection of cash. The war against global capitalism in N5, however, was lost long ago. Arsenal’s plan to register a word that was coined by supporters over 30 years ago is further evidence of the club’s frequent heavy-handedness when it comes to exploiting their commercial potential.