I strongly, strongly suspect you'll be able to get Danny Allsopp back within about 2 months.

jefe wrote:
I strongly, strongly suspect you'll be able to get Danny Allsopp back within about 2 months.

Oh no...please, no!!!

He's making over 100K (I believe) and has 2 league goals on the year. There's going to be an inevitable purge, we've already canned the new this season manager, and he takes up an international slot. He's as good as gone, unless he starts scoring. Fast.

Adelaide United managed to get a point in Gosford, despite another lame performance from their threadbare squad. Ian Fyfe managed to (easily) evade his markers to force home a free kick in the first half. United then preceded to totally lose what little control they had of the game to be on the back foot for the entire second half... eventually conceding a late Matt Simon goal to make the result 1-1.

New coach Coolen seemed slow to respond to changes in Mariners' midfield setup that Graham Arnold made early in the second half. Admittedly he didn't have any experienced players to bring on, though.

Barely thirteen fit players available for Friday's home game with Heart with the suspension of Adam Hughes, redcarded late in yesterday's game. So desperate is Adelaide's situation that Hughes is now regarded as a key player, and not the pathetic liability he was last season.

Sydney never got out of first gear against NQF and looked very flat in their 2-1 defeat.

Not sure what the next few weeks will hold for the sky blues as they need to get another striker and at the moment a CB pairing of Keller/Foxe ist't working so time for Golec or Jurman to step up.

Onwards to next weekend and kickstarting Sydney's season.

Danny Vukovic has had his contract terminated by Turkish club Konyaspor.

Melbourne Victory - sign him now.

Has anyone been following the Kewell/Slater slanging match? It's pretty dull, but at least it's stopped everyone from talking about Franz Straka's jacket for a few days. I'm still learning the Australian vernacular, but I'm fairly sure that Kewell's outburst counts as 'chucking a tanty'.

Big Daves Gussett wrote:
Has anyone been following the Kewell/Slater slanging match? It's pretty dull, but at least it's stopped everyone from talking about Franz Straka's jacket for a few days. I'm still learning the Australian vernacular, but I'm fairly sure that Kewell's outburst counts as 'chucking a tanty'.

Sounds like Slater working overtime to fulfil his role of "outspoken media commentator" to me. Talk about storm in a teacup.

Here's my review of the last round of matches, by the way. Not much analysis involved, I'm afraid - it's essentialy a vehicle for me to make lame jokes about the size of Carlos Hernandez's arse:


In a week when the FFA has announced a new Socceroos coach (Holger Osieck – no, me neither) and national hero Mark Schwarzer edged closer to becoming Arsenal’s latest butter-gloved goalkeeper, the talk in Australian football circles has been dominated by one subject: the overcoat of extrovert North Queensland Fury coach, Franz Straka.

His striped beige sports jacket resembles something Larry David would wear whilst remonstrating with a dentist’s receptionist; an effect that was enhanced when Straka gesticulated wildly to the crowd in the closing stages of Fury’s deserved 2-1 win over Sydney FC on Saturday evening.

Straka was entitled to be excited – after an off-season that saw the Fury come close to extinction, most pundits had written off their chances before a ball had even been kicked. Despite having an abstract approach to defending, their attack has pace, mobility and a youthful zest. Chris Payne in particular shone against his former team, who were punished for their frustratingly conservative approach.

Sydney’s poor start to the season was mirrored by Melbourne Victory, who went down 2-0 at home to Perth Glory. The match was Victory’s first at the new AAMI Stadium, which has the pleasing external appearance of a Bond villain’s moonbase. To mark this occasion, the organisers pinched one of the more annoying visual elements of the recent World Cup and had the players file past a plinth with the match ball atop. For one delicious moment, it seemed that the referee had forgotten to pick up the ball – something I’d wanted to happen at every match in South Africa – but it was just part of a convoluted ceremony that involved Archie Thompson presenting the ball to the officials. Life really is just one long series of minor disappointments, isn’t it?

In celebration of the 40th anniversary of theVictorian government ‘s decision to make the wearing of seatbelts mandatory – and I’m not making this up – Melbourne’s shirts incorporated a white seatbelt design. The obvious joke, and one which I’m not above making, being that Carlos Hernandez’s kit also featured twin airbags and a sizeable rear bumper.

The match itself was notable for the extreme levels of unpunished violence. Perth’s captain Nathan Burns killed eight men in the first half alone. Despite having the appearance of someone who should have a row of colour-coordinated biros along his breast pocket, referee Gerard Parsons was surprisingly lenient. Regardless of protests about Perth’s physical approach, Melbourne were out-thought and out-played. The away side took the lead through a header from Jamie Harnwell (although some letters had peeled off the back of his shirt, so it may have been Harnv ll), and then sealed the points with a long-range shot from Mile Sterjovski, which was followed by an unsettling celebration that featured the whole team squatting by the corner flag as if preparing to deliver a steaming critique of Parsons’ refereeing performance.

The previous evening, Wellington Phoenix and Gold Coast United played out a highly-entertaining 3-3 draw in monsoon-like weather conditions. Playing on what is essentially a bog may not be an issue when the occasion doesn’t warrant the ball being on the ground (rugby matches or New Zealand internationals, for example), but is reasonably fundamental for a football match. Wellington adapted quickly and raced into a 3-1 lead, thanks in part to a brace of goals from Chris Greenacre (who knows what enabled the Wakefield-born Greenacre to be so comfortable in this relentlessly bleak environment?). But as the game progressed, Gold Coast United’s players realised the futility of trying to gently pass the ball through ankle-deep surface water and modified their approach accordingly. Jason Cullina directed a late header into the bottom corner to earn a draw after a resurgent Shane Smeltz had earlier scored two fine goals – clearly he was one of the six people who read my criticism of his performance last week.

Later that night, Melbourne Heart claimed their first A-League point in fortuitous circumstances at Newcastle. Having broken the record for the longest a new A-League team has gone without scoring, and falling behind to a soft Jeremy Brockie strike, Heart appeared to be heading for another defeat. However, under no pressure, Newcastle defender Ben Kantarovski scooped the ball past his own keeper, perhaps succumbing to the kind of impulsive urge you sometimes get to slap your boss in the face during a perfectly civil conversation. Or is that just me? Either way, no-one seemed very impressed.

An exciting weekend of action was rounded off at the Bluetongue Stadium, where Central Coast Mariners drew 1-1 with Adelaide. Something interesting probably happened, but I wouldn’t know as I was watching old episodes of Deadwood. Ian McShane is good, isn’t he? Week Two and I’ve already given up on Adelaide.

Remember, you won’t get A-League analysis like this anywhere else on the internet. Keep reading, Smeltzy.

After months of inactivity, bottom of the table Melbourne Victory have gone into panic mode and started signing new players.

Ricardinho will be Archie’s replacement coming from the K League. He’s a Brazilian. Fred was a Brazilian, you know, but so were Alessandro, Claudinho, Fabiano and Leandro Love. He scored 6 goals in 26 games for Jeju United last year.

Matthew Kemp’s replacement is Geoff “Welsh Wizard” Kellaway already the subject of one of 2010’s most talked about deals when he switched from Aberystwyth Town to ethnic Albanian VPL team Dandenong Thunder (coach Stuart Munro) where he has played 6 games for 0 goals.

Nice round up, BDG.

Pity you have already given up on Adelaide, BDG... as we actually managed to play an entertaining game at Hindmarsh last night. With a threadbare squad down to 13 fit players, coach Coolen tried some radical new tactics- attack! and try and score goals!- and it worked. Without the lumbering van Dyk slowing Adelaide's attack down, the pace of the home forwards, and the slippery surface, made Heart's big name defenders look pretty ordinary. Adelaide's defence, with the unknown Shane Watson playing his first game, and Danny Mullen playing out of position, was sufficiently generous to allow the still disorganised Heart attack to score two goals.

But incredibly Adelaide found the net three times- something that only happened once all last season in the A League. Iain Ramsay, a player that few in Adelaide had heard of before the start of this season, scored a brace- the second through Bolton's legs! Apparently he spent two seasons at Gretna without getting a single first team game. Matthew Leckie got the opener- I thought he was going to be up for a case of the dreaded "second season slump", but without van Dyk getting in his way this week he looked sharp.

It all sounds too good to be true- as soon as van Dyk and Hughes come back into the side United will probably revert back to their usual mind-numbing tedium...

We’ve talked about the refereeing in the A League on here many times and, of course, with some justification – after all, the last 3 grand finals have been ruined by the referee.

What happened at AAMI Park this afternoon, though, was quite remarkable. There are so many other things I could talk about – the promising late substitute debut by the Welsh Wizard, the lamentable performance of Evan Berger, another shocker from Michael Petkovic, the fact it never occurred to me to take sunglasses because I’m so used to watching indoors at Docklands, Tom Pondeljak missing an open goal from 6 inches out or the alarmingly poor crowd of 13,318 – Victory’s worst attendance since season 1.

No, this game was all about one man – Chris Boyle who, I’m embarrassed to hear, is Scottish. This is not going to be a biased rant about how Melbourne Victory were robbed today in a 2-2 draw. The referee was not biased against Melbourne Victory – he was just absolutely fucking useless and completely lost control of the game. In fairness, you could argue he did everybody a favour – the first 30 minutes was turgid shite like last week’s Perth game. The last 60 minutes certainly wasn’t boring but it does make the A League look like an amateurish competition.

I would like to stress that I haven’t seen replays of any of the following incidents – this is based purely on what I saw inside the ground (sun permitting):

The three penalties that were given – the first to Victory was the correct decision; the second to Victory was for a foul which took place outside the box; the third, to NQF, was ridiculous. The referee indicated that it was for holding – as far as I could see, everybody was holding everybody else in the box and had been for the entire match at every corner or free kick.

The three penalties that should have been given – just a couple of minutes after Victory’s first penalty, one of the NQF defenders punched the ball in the box. He nearly put into his own net. Everybody in the stadium saw it as did all the Victory players in the box. The referee gave a corner. In the second half, Dugandzic and Kruse both got booked for diving. Now, I love to see players getting booked for diving. If the referees did their job properly, that cunt Alex Brosque would never play again. However, I don’t think (without the benefit of replays) that either player dived – and I know I’m taking a risk in saying that with Kruse’s track record.

The two NQF red cards – neither player deserved to go. Grossman was not the last man when Kruse was brought down. There seemed to be quite a few NQF defenders around and I’m sure Simon Storey was behind Grossman. A yellow card and a penalty would have sufficed. Akoto’s red card was a disgrace. Yes, he lightly pushed Kevin but Kevin went down theatrically. For all the obvious qualities Kevin has, he’s not perfect and he does have a tendency to play act – he did it twice in one game against Sydney at Docklands last season. Akoto was reluctant to leave the pitch and looked like he was going to really belt somebody before being escorted off with some help from his coach.

Justin Pasfield – I have never seen a display of time wasting to rival this. It started with 74 minutes remaining after NQF took the lead and was really stepped up for the final hour after the first red card. There was a short break of 6 minutes when Victory went 2-1 up. The referee warned him twice but didn’t book him and the warnings made no difference. Only 4 minutes got added on at the end despite all the time wasting and carrying on after all the penalties and red cards.

At the final whistle, the entire crowd stood up and belted out “the referee’s a wanka.” Except me because I’m Scottish and can properly pronounce words ending in “er.”

I only caught the last 20 mins on TV, but there seemed to be excitement enough for a whole game. Some of the new A League refs this season have been weak... almost makes you long for the presence of good old Matthew Breeze. I heard somewhere that the ref in Melbourne today was a former Scottish Premier League ref- so it is bizarre that he should struggle to control an A League match.

Oh, and Kevin Muscat is a disgrace to the game. Surely it is time he retired. The only part of his retirement I'm not looking forward to is that we are going to have to spend many years listening to him as a commentator and "expert analyst" on TV....

It looks like jefe might get to hang onto Danny Allsop for a little longer at least after he bagged a brace for DCU.

I missed a lot of that round, but great entertainment from the bubble dome yesterday. Nothing to complain about for a neutral, even if Mel's complaints list - no doubt aggravated by teh Saints' decisively nonemphatic performance the day before - seems longer than his arm would be. Still, coming out of a game with such a list of dissatisfaction is a good sign that the passion is coming back in season 6. <Insert smiley thing>

In more bad news for Melbourne, Danny Vukovic has landed a job warming the bench at Wellington. I can't see him being able to dislodge local World Cup hero Mark Paston.

I think we've seen enough of "Muskie" in the role of expert analyst over the last few months. My main recollection of the opening game of the World Cup was of Kevin Muscat and some other folically challenged goon having to deliver their monosyllabic pearls of wisdom to the camera set behind and above them, all the while turning back to consult their hastily scribbled notes. It looked like a couple of buttocks having a fight.

It quite put me off my meat pie, I can tell you.

Melbourne Arab wrote:
Matthew Kemp’s replacement is Geoff “Welsh Wizard” Kellaway already the subject of one of 2010’s most talked about deals when he switched from Aberystwyth Town to ethnic Albanian VPL team Dandenong Thunder (coach Stuart Munro) where he has played 6 games for 0 goals.

Kellaway went over with 2 others, Jamie Reed from Bangor and Luke Sherbon also from Aber. I think they were on some kind of working holiday. (Reed tried the same thing in America last summer.) Apparently a bloke called Colin Quirk has some kind of role in all of this.

Incidentally Reed finally gained international clearance to make his return on Friday, just so he could leapfrog the ball with the goal at his mercy on Saturday.

Reed was reportedly a Melbourne Victory target a few weeks back after scoring 6 goals in 7 games for Dandenong.

It seems a bit odd all these players from Wales suddenly popping up alongside all the Albanians.

Colin Quirk has gone because his visa expired.

This is what Mark Bosnich said about the Victory – NQF game:

"This game had it all. It was the best game I've seen since I've been back in the country. If anyone has to look for an example of showcasing our game here in this country, all they have to do is watch that 90 minutes."

90 minutes of red cards, penalties and diving is certainly entertaining but surely it would have been a better showcase if some football had been played. Even Ernie Merrick, who normally takes an insanely positive view of Victory’s performances (see his comments after the Perth game), thought Victory were “amateurish.”

Look at the players Victory played – there is no way this team (minus Archie, Brebs, Celeski, Kemp, Ricardinho) is going to play decent football:

Petkovic – dodgy keeper

Muscat – should have retired but where would the A League be without him? What other player, on seeing an opponent’s mouthguard on the ground, would have the presence of mind to jump up and down on it leading to a push, a dive and a red card? “Great experience” the experts always call it

Vargas – has been shite since he got his hair cut. Should have retired

Leijer – he’s tall

Sukha – too fragile to play full 90 minutes. Does his hamstring every 3 weeks

Berger – absolutely useless at defending. Going forward, he gets past 2 men a season. The pocket sized Adrian Caceres?

Hernandez – needs Archie ahead of him

Broxham – if you conducted an experiment turning Muscat into a dwarf and draining him of all talent and charisma, this would be what you would get

Pondeljak – should have retired

Dugandzic – a boy playing a man's game

Kruse – wimp, weed, mummy’s boy. Harden the fuck up, son!

Angulo – 40kg of pure class. Would be the best player in the Southern Suburbs under 9s

Kellaway – like what I saw in his substitute appearance on Sunday. The Welsh Adrian Caceres?

Ferreira – comes on as a late sub every week but no-one can figure out why

Mattei – never seen him play but, if you’re the back up keeper to Petkovic, you must be shite