So, despite having made it through almost 33 years without ever being asked, I've finally succumbed to being a best man. And, somewhat remarkably, I appear to have been first choice.

I also happen to be chuffed to bits to being asked by him, though I will of course be getting my revenge should I ever make an honest woman of the new Mrs Mouse, but...I'm also terrified at the prospect.

I'm hopeless at speaking in public and am aware it'll descend into me going very red and mumbling/stumbling over my words. Which is what normally happens. I'm not sure, despite how appealing and tempting it sounds, getting hammered pre-speech will help either.

I've "only" known him for 15 years, in comparison to my school days friends which I've known for almost 30 years but consider him far and away my best mate and don't want to mess this up.

I seem to recall threads upon a similar theme being mentioned before but I can't find them.

Help/advice/tips etc etc all will be very, very gratefully received.

I was best man to my best mate about 15 years ago ... and chickened out of actually giving a speech (thinking that my mere presence would be enough ... tw*t!).

From my present point of life experience, I would certainly have dived in, and I would have described how we met, I would have described what he meant to me, I would have avoided talking about anything sexual, I would have recounted one or two episodes from our trip around South America, I would have dropped a couple of standard 'best-man speech' clichés ("He's been like a best friend to me."), I would have said why I liked his new wife (which was the case - smashing person), and I would have said why I thought they would make a really good (married) couple ... and mean it. My speech wouldn't have been in any way anarchic.

It isn't a time to be egotistical: it isn't your day.

Cheers ursus.

erwin - oh it's not about being egotistical, I just don't want my bit in it to be shit. Which, I appreciate, may sound egotistical, but isn't meant to be. Just don't want to let him down.

Is this your Watford mate? And if so, what's happening for the stag-do?

Blimey, that's an old thread. I've done another best man speech and one for my sister at her wedding since then. They're scary, but fun.

I've just been re-reading the thread and thinking more or less the same as Nishlord.

I'm not a funny person, at least not intentionally, and so don't want really want to do the comedy bit if I can avoid it. I like the idea of the card from the football club though.

GO - yes it is. It would appear the stag do is now definitely the baseball trip to Boston, though now it's in June for a 3 game series against the Phillies which should be great.

erwin - oh it's not about being egotistical

Oh, sorry - I didn't for one moment think you might be, DM. I was really thinking about myself.

As you were.

Oh I wasn't really thinking you were having a go. Having re-read my initial post I appreciate how it may have come across. Sometimes I struggle to explain stuff on otf that'd take a couple of seconds in real life.

On reflection, I think I may try for sincerity more than anything else. I lived with the groom and another guy for a couple of years and the jokes/observations that we'd find funny would all be things that we, and no one else, would get which would render them rather pointless.

Hey, no DM ... your first post was kosher.

Yes ... sincerity would be the thing most appreciated ... by the older folk, at least.

Well, if nothing else, Watford are enough of a shambles for a gag or two.

"I phoned up Vicarage Road, I said 'What time does the game kick off on Saturday?', the bloke said 'What time can you get here?'"

Do you have your tickets in hand? Paying touts/scalpers for Bosox tickets has bankrupted families.

I'm afraid my Bostonian knowledge is 30 years out of date. Vernon's is yer man there.

Sincerity is the way to go in my opinion. In-jokes never travel that well anyway. Say nice things about him and the bride.

Perhaps a comparison to anything being better than the other love of his life (Watford of course) might get a snicker. Buy the bride a Watford shirt and say that is what the groom wants her to wear on the wedding night.

Mind you I did four best man gigs and each marriage ended in divorce, so on second thoughts ignore my advice.

I've now done it three times.

My best advice is

- to keep it fairly short. I guess around 5 minutes is really enough. Unless you are a genius public speaker, people don't want a long speech from you. They mostly want something from you, and then to get on with drinking and chatting.

- remember that the crowd is really on your side, and will laugh (genuinely) at the slightest joke, because they like you, they love the people you're talking about, and they're in a great mood.

- Never include anything salacious, despite all the cliches about best man speeches. Nobody wants to actually hear the worst about the groom. A couple of anecdotes where the groom made an idiot of himself or did something brilliant is all you need on that front.

- Tell the bride how beautiful she looks and how lucky the groom is and how much you like her (even if it's not true).

----

As for the other best man stuff, keep a wodge of cash in your pocket, just in case there's some cash-in-hand stuff that needs paying on the day - the bride and groom really don't want to be bothered with that sort of stuff, so cover their arses (get the money back later, of course). I always got most nervous about not losing the rings - keep them safe. Er, and that's really it for your duties - make sure neither you nor the groom get too pissed on the Friday night.

Oh, and no matter what great stag do ideas you have, make sure you don't injure the groom. I did that once, when we ended up in the Trafalgar Square fountains. It didn't go down at all well with the bride.

LLR has nailed it:

Have a good supply of ready cash. Dont slag off the bride, ever. It will come back to haunt you when you least expect it, and by the most unexpected person...

Dont sleep with the/any bridesmaids, but dance her/their/his ass off. (Incidentally, learn to dance... seriously. it will go down a bomb, and moreso, if you can persuade the groom to do so, too. A few steps, and another story, all grist to the speech mill)

DONT WORRY about the speech. It will flow. If you like the person concerned, there wont be a problem.

I had a huge speech prepared when I did it, and it would have been ok, but I took one look around at the gathering, and there were people there whom I just talked about for the duration, and even if I had been stuck, there were the telegrams to talk about, and ok, that was 1986, and the opening day of the world cup, it worked. It works.

Dont worry. Dont overthingk it. Have some 'remarks/subjects' ready, but dont worry about it. You will know how the day is going, because it isnt about them.... its about the people watching (yes, it is... they are already in love, and everyone knows it... the party is just for others.)

Dont try for jokes. Dont. And, unless you are a natural, dont take the piss. Better to be a forgotten best man, than a memory, when it was to the denegration (sic) of the 'do'.

And mostly, dont panic.

And, dont be pissed. Have a glass of whatever to loosen your tongue/give you confidence, but dont be stupid. Do that after.

AND, buy them a present. Nothing expensive, just something memorable, and not cutlery. An emroidered napkin or somesuch shit, just to let them know what you went through. (OK, thats optional, but unless the groom has done it, then ....)

AND finally, enjoy it. You will be on stage. If you can, dance with the children, dance with the aunties, and then get totally mullered, when, and not before, everyone has gone home/got drunk/got arrested.

And good luck. (Seriously, a quick practice at dancing will go down a chuffing storm... I dont normally ever say 'trust me', but 'trust me' on this point.)

LLR has some great advice. I would follow that.

I have never been a best man, but I do teach public speaking, so I can say that people always think they are poor public speakers when that is often not the case. And I only say, "often" because when people don't do well it's usually a product of not preparing or spending too much time focusing on their nerves instead of focusing on the content of the speech and the audience. So I would advise you to:

(A) Prepare in advance (but keep it short and sweet, so to speak) and practice so the speech sounds conversational (you want to be DM the conversationalist in a public speaking context vs. DM THE public speaker). You should know where you're going with the speech and why (so have a short little introduction--perhaps about how you met the groom, a body of the speech about why he/they are so great, and a brief conclusion that speaks to their future together--it's pretty formulaic when you think about it).

(B) Create a short outline of key points that you can put on a note card and reference if you feel stuck.

(C) As others have said, folks at the various events where you will speak want you to do well. Confidence goes a long way, and you should be confident if you've prepared the speech in advance and practiced it.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Excellent advice from you all, cheers.

I will indeed let you know how it goes, though I do at least have 5 months to practise/fret so we'll see.

re: Boston, seems like we're good to go for the series against the Phillies in mid-June. Apparently, yer actual tickets are sold out, but the groom, who's more experienced than me in actually attending baseball games in the US seems to think we're ok if we head down early for game day sales.

I don't know whether or not Vernon can confirm that to be the case? Alternatively, if there's some means of procuring tickets via Mr Pools (if, of course, he's willing etc etc) then let me know.

DM, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here, but has said groom ever been to Fenway Park for a Red Sox game?

I just looked on StubHub (a legal touting site) and see that standing room tickets for the first night are going for USD 55 each, with field box seats starting at USD 256.

Yeah he has, which is why I'm trusting him on this. He mentioned earlier today that they "ought" (I don't know where it came from) to be around $52.