It's more fun than having a ruck in front of the Hull Women's Institute, it's the Conference scores:
Wimbledon 2-0 Eastbourne B
Altrincham 0-0 York City
Cambridge 2-1 Histon
Crawley Town 2-1 Ebbsfleet
Grays Athletic 0-0 Hayes&Yeading
Luton Town 1-0 Wrexham
Mansfield Town 0-0 Tamworth
Oxford United 1-1 Kettering Town
Rushden & D 8-0 Gateshead
Oxford missed a chance to go top after being held to a 1-1 draw by a Kettering side that seems to be recapturing the form they showed earlier in the season under Mark Cooper. Luton stay third with a 1-0 win over Wrexham, while a red-hot Rushden don't just give Gateshead the fucking of their lives, they lay there smoking a fag with a smug grin on their face while Gateshead are curled up, shivering in the wet patch. Kettering's draw at Oxford sees them take over in the last play-off spot.
At the bottom, a draw for Gray's isn't nearly enough if they have any urge to get off the bottom of the league. The other two spots are still filled by Forest Green, who didn't have a game, and Barrow, who were playing in the FA Trophy. Above them are Gateshead, Eastbourne and Ebbsfleet, who were all beaten. Tamworth moved a point further away with a draw at Mansfield, while a third win on the bounce, 2-1 at home to local rivals Histon, saw Cambridge go 8 clear of the bottom three.
In the first legs of the Trophy semi-finals, Barrow won 1-0 at Salisbury, while Stevenage won 5-1 at Kidderminster. Actually I thought KimCasey might have been along, he seemed to have been really enjoying it up till now.

Newport County are champions of the Conference South. Blooody hell, eh? 4000-odd crammed into Spytty to see it. Marvellous stuff.

Cheers, Shaun.

Not able to get to the 2nd leg, tragically. Even our manager isn't bothering with all the "its only half-time" guff. Sadly, Stevenage do actually look rather good, painful as that is to admit...

The midweek Conference scores:
Altrincham 2-0 Kettering
Barrow 2-1 Wrexham
Cambridge Utd 3-1 Salisbury
Gateshead 3-1 Forest Green
Luton 3-1 Kidderminster
Mansfield 0-1 York
Stevenage 1-0 Histon
Stevenage go 4 points clear with a 1-0 win. Luton consolidate 3rd spot by beating Kidderminster 3-1, while York climb back to 5th, at the expense of Kettering who lost at Altrincham, with a 1-0 win at Mansfield, where manager David Holdsworth is coming under extreme pressure from disgruntled supporters.
At the bottom, wins for Gateshead and Barrow see them move away from the bottom 3 and replaced by Eastbourne.

The argument about Chester's expulsion isn't over yet, after clubs who've beaten Chester question the "points expunged" rule. They want a precedent to be recognised where Luton's 2 points are reinstated, along with awarding 3 points to any clubs yet to play Chester on the fixture list (not to mention the 6 points some, like Stevenage, have "lost").

If this is accepted (and apparently 10 of the BSCP teams are in favour already) they must realise Luton Town have a lengthy and varied history of overturning and challenging sporting rulings through appeals to the authorities. If this one runs and runs, we might still be awaiting the outcome of any Conference playoffs in September.

It's not just the top end that is affected by this, the relegation zone is just as affected. We took 6 points from Chester, while Gateshead were beaten twice.
Whilst it would be great to get back the points, the whole thing is a shitty mess and is the result of the Conference tugging it's forelock to the Football league and taking Chester in the first place. Even after they do settle things, any number of teams could go mammaries skyward in the close season.

This is such a typical, chaotic, end of season conference fuck up. I can't decide if it makes me fond of a league that is never dull or despair at the sheer madness of it all.

Frankly, expunging Chester's record and taking away points gained against them was the only sensible and fair way of sorting this. How anyone is arguing with a straight face that they should be awarded 3 points for games they haven't played is madness. It all stinks of self interest rather than fairness (and York would do OK out of getting 3 points back so I don't think I'm suffering from the same delusion ... am i?).

Fair play to Luton if they do well out of this. It's not like they have had all the luck in recent seasons now is it?

This isn't the only appeal the Conference are dealing with as Fleetwood are kicking off over the same handling of Farsley Celtics results in the Conference North. If only the Premier League was this much fun!

Whatever you do tonight, don't go anywhere until you have perused the Conference scores:
Altrincham 2-2 Rushden & D
Eastbourne B 2-2 Grays Athletic
Ebbsfleet 1-6 Luton Town
Histon 0-5 Mansfield Town
Kettering Town 0-2 Forest Green
Wrexham 2-2 Cambridge
Luton climb to second after winning 6-1 at Ebbsfleet, while Rushden hold on in 4th with a draw at Altrincham.
There's a bit more action at the bottom, where Grays hold Eastbourne to a draw to keep them in the bottom 3 with them, as well as Forest Green, who are still second bottom despite a good win at Kettering.
The FA trophy final will be between Barrow, who beat Salisbury 2-1, 3-1 on aggregate, and Stevenage, who beat Kidderminster 5-1 on aggregate after a 0-0 draw.

Congratulations to Barrow on making the final of the FA Trophy. I remember quite vividly their marathon semi-final against Enfield in 1988, which finished 2-2 on aggregate and then went to two replays before Enfield finally edged through, thanks to a goal - as I remember it, but I stand to be corrected on it - by my childhood hero, Steve King (who is categoricaly not the one that managed Lewes).

Grimmer wrote:

Fair play to Luton if they do well out of this. It's not like they have had all the luck in recent seasons now is it?

I was thinking pretty much the same thing, along the lines of "that's the way the cookie crumbles", until I saw the response of Luton manager Richard Money.
"I'd have a little wager that it is partly because we have won the last four games and people are suddenly flapping a little bit.
"When the decision was originally taken we were a little bit further behind. Now we are a little bit closer and suddenly one or two are beginning to mess their pants a bit and trying to overturn it.
"Everyone in this league has done everything they possibly can this year when they play us, and when they don't play us, to keep us in the Conference next season.
It seems everybody is conspiring against poor old Luton. They park the bus at Kenilworth Road then drop their pants for their promotion rivals. It's all about them.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, another club, Forest Green Rovers in this case, are starting to feel the pinch.

Richard Money can fuck off.

If FGR go as well, it looks like this season is going to be sorted out somewhere around 2012. Although, isn't Colin Peake on the Conference board?

*goes to work out table with/without Chester/FGR points and goals being expunged. Answer - we will finish 12th*

One result today, Tamworth held Oxford to a 0-0 draw. Don't know whether it will be good enough for Richard Money, but the result was of more benefit to Tamworth than it was for Oxford, who remain in third spot.
Oxford were the stronger in the first half, but Tamworth defended well, and in the second half put Oxford under a bit more pressure, but in the end the result reflected the fact that both teams struggled to produce the finishing touch required to win the game.

When Ankaraspor were expelled from the league here all there previous results, I think 8, were expunged from the records and all matches they played or were due to play were awarded 3-0. Giving points to some teams and none to others does not seem fair, wipe out all their results etc. They also wiped out yellow cards but one of our players had already served a ban after picking up four yellows, that does seem unfair too, those cards should have stood.

If Forest Green are wound up and Darlington don't start next season - that means there is still a chance Grays could stay up!

Tonight's Conference results:
Wimbledon 0-2 Barrow
Gateshead 1-0 Wrexham
Grays Athletic 1-2 Stevenage
Kidderminster 0-1 York
Mansfield 1-1 Altrincham
Salisbury 1-3 Forest Green
Stevenage are now 5 points clear after a late winner away at bottom side Grays. York climb to fourth after winning at Kidderminster.
At the bottom it's tighter than a crab's twat as there is now only 5 points difference among the 7 teams above Grays, following victories for Forest Green, Barrow and Gateshead. Eeek!

Two results last night:
Cambridge Utd 2-0 Tamworth
Rushden & D 1-1 Oxford Utd
Rushden's draw with Oxford takes them both up 1 place on goal difference, but Oxford especially would have wanted three points. Tamworth supporters can empathise with Oxford's current plight, like them our brilliant start to the season could end up being all for nothing. Our inability to score and win games has seen us fall into a relegation battle. Both clubs, though, could be reprieved in the end of season lottery; Oxford in the play-offs and Tamworth in the end of season administrative cull that usually does for at least one side per season.

I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and the Conference scores!':
Wimbledon 0-1 Rushden & D
Barrow 3-2 Eastbourne B
Cambridge 3-0 Grays Athletic
Crawley Town 0-3 Stevenage
Forest Green 4-3 Altrincham
Kettering Town 2-2 Mansfield Town
Kidderminster 0-1 Salisbury City
Luton Town 8-0 Hayes&Yeading
Oxford United 2-1 Gateshead
Wrexham 3-0 Histon
York City 1-1 Tamworth
Victories for all the top 4. Stevenage stay top by 5 points with a comfortable 3-0 win at Crawley in the return leg in the battle of the cunty managers. Oxford are still second, thanks to a last minute goal by Matt Green to give them a 2-1 win over Gateshead, but they now lead Luton by only +1 goal difference after they become the second team this month to dish out an 8-0 thrashing, this time to Hayes and Yeading. A 1-0 win at Wimbledon sees Rushden hang on to 4th, while York are still 5th following a 1-1 home draw with Tamworth.
At the bottom it's all but certain that Grays will finish the season propping up the table after a 3-0 defeat at Cambridge, but the hugely improved Forest Green have hauled themselves out of the drop zone after a third straight victory, 4-3 at home to Altrincham. This pushes Eastbourne down a place to 22nd after they lose
3-2 at Barrow, who, along with Salisbury after their 1-0 win at Kidderminster, climb above Tamworth in 18th and Gateshead in 19th. Ebbsfleet drop to 21st as they do not have a game this weekend.

Given Luton were 7 up after 35 minutes, 8-0 was a bit poor.

Most times that would be the point in the game that you lay back on the chaise-lounge and light up a Cuban, but as goal difference could be vital then it may have been worth pressing for a few more.