For some reason, there is a lot of bollocks being talked about football at the moment from Ridsdale, Blatter, people in this forum and parents of 8 year old boys amongst many many others.

I have appointed myself "His Excellency, President for Life of Football, Field Marshal Bored Of Football, Chairman of the Bored, Bored of the Dance, Lord of All the Beasts of Barcelona, and Mark Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of Talking Rubbish in the World in General and by Alan Green in particular."

I am a benevolent dictator and am, just this once, asking for suggestions for either questions that people must be able to answer or attributes that should exclude you from talking about football forever (for instance, pronouncing his name "Gazza")

Off you go