For some reason, there is a lot of bollocks being talked about football at the moment from Ridsdale, Blatter, people in this forum and parents of 8 year old boys amongst many many others.

I have appointed myself "His Excellency, President for Life of Football, Field Marshal Bored Of Football, Chairman of the Bored, Bored of the Dance, Lord of All the Beasts of Barcelona, and Mark Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of Talking Rubbish in the World in General and by Alan Green in particular."

I am a benevolent dictator and am, just this once, asking for suggestions for either questions that people must be able to answer or attributes that should exclude you from talking about football forever (for instance, pronouncing his name "Gazza")

Off you go

I always hate use of the word "footie".

Very true. Almost as bad as "soccer" but less scorned publically.

Ryan Tubridy, a well-known TV and radio personality over here (think of a very nerdy, square version of Conan O'Brien), was on the radio one morning a while ago, banging on about how much of a football fan he was.

Immediately, the co-presenter, Shane O'Donoghue, jumped in and asked him to explain the offside rule. Tubridy couldn't do it and floundered like a beached fish for a few moments before trying to change the subject.

It was radio at its best.

The entrance exam is simple: you've got ten minutes to write down all 92 league clubs. Anyone scoring less than 90 is disqualified.

Bit anglo-welsh-centric though, innit?

Okay, add the Scottish league to that as well. No problem.

Now it's just brit-centric.

Still I think there's some mileage in it. Perhaps ask people to name 95% of the clubs in the top three/four divisions of their country of choice.

See, I am suspicious of people knowing everything about every other league. My knowledge of anything below Division 2 (in old money) is pretty patchy but my knowledge of the Conference South isn't bad.

Equally, that does stop some of our intelligent foreign correspondent from contributing replacing them with, well, geeks, nerds and statistical freaks

There's every chance that this thread , given a little encouragement, could become ' I heart Claude Makelele II '

Bored Of Football wrote:

QUOTE:
My knowledge of anything below Division 2 (in old money) is pretty patchy

Fuck me, you've forgotten quickly.

Notts Forest: spot the error.

geeks, nerds and statistical freaks

Yup, that's me. I could do Germany down to the third level as well, if you want.

It's OK, I am not banning you OCD types. You are very useful to us of those with outside lives to use as reference.

You just can't be exclusive members of my club, that's all.

Harsh but fair

I like pawlu's concept, and suggest expanding it to a broader "Ding Test"

Notts Forest
United
Inter Milan
Grand Slam/Super/Special/[day of week]
More than a Club
"We're all supporting [X] tonight"
That night in . . .

You get the idea.

Those 'name all 92 clubs' things always trip you up, though - I obviously know them all, but if you're asked to name them as part of a challenge, there's always a few that slip your mind.