When I first started playing football, I, like most people, had exciting proper football-ish injuries - sprained ankles, pulled hamstrings etc. I even had a broken rib at the same time as Beckham got his against Wales. I carried on playing for an hour after getting it though.

Now I am old, I have noticed that the injuries are all of the bad hip/bad back variety. I haven't even jumped on the "metatarsal" bandwagon because I am so old (and have pre-war football boots, probably)

I was hoping that Teddy Sheringham would fly the flag for us oldies and have to have a lay-off for arthritis or gout or something but no such luck.

Happily, I am hanging onto my youth somewhat as I have, for the second time in two years, picked up a dead leg, which not only appears to be enjoying a comeback as a fashionable injury for pro footballers but also has a thrilling air of children's football about it.

Suffering a dead leg from football is much like suffering a Chinese burn or a wedgie or being on the bottom of a bundle or something.