So sod you Darwin and your evolution theory, or whoever gave some other sod the idea that shoulders bags and shoulders make a perfect fit!

The computer bag I sometimes must carry, often over my shoulder because I always have a trillion other shite of shite to carry, like car keys, pass card, some documents in a bloody document… whatever you call that folded leather shite you carry documents in… or it’s something else. Always something. Why do I always carry crap with me that need at least three hands!?
Even at home, on me way down to the Thai take-away, it’s always… mobile, keys, something to toss in the bin, another something I’ve promised to give someone, a rental I need to return… always 200 bloody items, every single damn time I’m out the door, or coming home!

That bloody bag keeps slipping off my shoulder. I’m soon to buy a gun and shoot it! I’d be sooner carrying my bloody computer safe and sound and without it keep slipping, if I tried to do it African women style, the way they carry 200 liter pots of water home from the well, 20km carrying, through terrain where they’re not seldom shot at by Khat chewing AK-carrying thugs.

What the hell are shoulders good for!?

Dipping in your egg?

I'll bust an egg over your head!
Shoulder Bag Boy!

The solution is to carry less stuff.

Wear epaulettes. I think you'd look good wearing epaulettes.

Fuck it, anyone would look good wearing epaulettes. And a big feathery hat.

Wearing the laptop bag in a satchel style, would negate the slippage.

Nathan Tysons Hamstring wrote:

QUOTE:
Wearing the laptop bag in a satchel style, would negate the slippage.

What every woman and bicycle messenger knows.

Just for the record. I am neither

Wear a proper rucksack over both shoulders?

In fact as a continental european, I assumed you would do this automatically.

If you're a candian you wear your bag on your chest rather than your front.

What Nathan said. It won't slip if you wear it properly. That said, some computer bags don't have long enough straps to do so.

QUOTE:
Wear epaulettes. I think you'd look good wearing epaulettes.

Fuck it, anyone would look good wearing epaulettes. And a big feathery hat.

Dear God man, are you insane?

You're such a square, man.

when oh when will they get around to inventing the designer wheelbarrow for the hardworking city-based man-about-town officeworking office worker?

I'm a bit confused (for a change haha). Why are you carrying the other stuff in your hands? Surely it should go either in the bag with the laptop or in your pockets?

Pietro Paolo Virdis wrote:

QUOTE:
What the hell are shoulders good for!?

preamble:
if we didn't have our shoulders, our arms would (in the best case scenario) jut out of our torso at some strange fixed angle. in the worst case scenario, they would simply drop off.

1. they're pretty good for knocking goalkeepers into the back of the net.

2. or tackling people if you're no good at doing it with your feet.

3. once you win the fa cup, it is also a nice thing for you and a team-mate to use a shoulder each as a chair for the captain, from which vantage point he can wave the trophy at the joyous, flat cap-waving crowds!

4. when the manager of some crack eastern european outfit kidnaps your star player before a big european game, you can well use a shoulder to barge down the door to the dressing room/utility cupboard/ticket office within which they have secreted said star!

5. a good, pacy striker sometimes enjoys standing "on" the shoulder of the last defender, in an attempt to exploit a theoretical area between on- and off-side. they don't literally stand on the shoulder of the defender, though, that would be absurd.

6. where would we be if shrugging wasn't an option for thierry henry? we are not mind readers, and would struggle to conceptualise his louche attitude towards missing pretty easy chances and/or not receiving the service he believes he deserves.

appendix a: you may be interested to know that the author views shoulders with a romantic wistfulness, having buggered his own throwing arm in adolescence. many's the time i have wished to skim stones, and had to stop myself for fear of two days of ice packs and pain. somebody give me a dollar.