I'm going to pen a Hollywood script about fat blokes who like to congregate in pubs, drink beer and break wind copiously, who sneer menacingly at each other and make big threats towards each other, have gorgeous girls swooning over them for doing it, but all make up at the end, 'cos they all love each other really.

It's no less ridiculous a premise than the one about maniacal garage mechanics who like to risk imprisonment by racing cars up and down public roads, that's currently being shown on ITV1.

You want to switch to Sky Real Lives. Diary of a Mistress. It's car crash telly.

Anyway this is a film with Vin Diesel in it, no?

My name is Crusoe and I liked the Fast & The Furious films, because they were shiny brain candy. I also liked both Pitch Black (a genuinely entertaining and slightly novel sci-fi horror) and The Chronicles of Riddick (a careening, bloated monstrosity that still entertained me).

I guess that means that, with the exception of the execrable XXX and Daddy Day Care (which I've never felt the urge to watch, oddly enough), I like most Vin Diesel films.